Why does he treat me this way?
One way of understanding many abusers is that they feel inside like babies deserving of an all-giving mother. They do not tolerate disappointment when you are anything less than perfectly nurturing. For some abusers, that may occur in any area of your life together. For others, there particular triggers ( food preparation being a very common one). Disappointments at home may remind him of his first household with caretakers who didn't meet his needs.
There is another category of abusers who are interested in all areas in which they can control you. This may have less to do with specific disappointments, than with a need for all-out dominance and a hair-trigger temper that erupts even outside your relationship.
Some professionals also distinguish a third category of abuser. This is one who lacks the ability to feel the pain of others, (sometimes enjoys inflicting pain), and has no scruples in manipulating people in any area of his life. Clearly this is the type of abuser who puts you in the greatest physical danger.
But our FAQs currently are focussing on the first type of abuser described above, because his behavior can be the most confusing to the woman involved with him.
No matter what he says you did, he has no right to hurt you
See also: The power of the mindful pause
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